Playing multiplayer video games is something that I have recently taken up to fill my free time. I have always been a fan of single player games, but since I discovered that a few of my friends have actually invested in more than one controller, I decided to give this multiplayer thing a try. I did hear someone mention some interweb muti-online-player network which requires no social interaction at all, but I'm pretty sure that was a myth. How could someone go about playing games over the internet. What would happen if you had to take out the cartridge and blow all the dust out of it because it stopped working. Would the internet collapse in on itself. Or perhaps some of the eraser bits that you used to clean out the cartridge might clog up the internet tubes. Back to that later (or not at all). One of the things I have picked up in my experience with these particular games is a simple calculation to make sure that you minimize the ridicule placed upon you, as these games can get quite competitive, and the insults can start becoming quite piercing to ones dignity. I have learned that the two people that get made fun of the most are those who place either first or last. The one who places last is made fun of in the obvious way. They endure things such as "Only idiots use the sniper rifle in open combat" or "You just got pwned big time" or "Looks like somebody needs to learn that your not supposed to use the rocket launcher close range because you'll blow yourself up too, idiot." On the other side of the spectrum are those who are excellent at the game and therefore dominate the competition. They get such ridicules as "Somebody needs to get a girlfriend" or "I guess I just don't have the time to play this game every waking moment seeing as I have a job and friends and all" or possibly "I hate you." So for those who are just absolutely horrible at such multiplayer games, the best thing to do is to act like you really don't care. Spend most of your time just walking around. Never identify which corner of the screen when you are filling, and when someone asks "Who just (did such and such of an idiotic move)?" never respond because they will very quickly get re-immersed into their virtual fantasy world of killing and violence and will forget what they were saying. Basically just have fun. Now for those who can instantly dominate the game in subject before even touching the controller, back it down a few notches. Maybe settle for second place. Or if you are too insecure to settle for second place, just make your winning margin 1 or 2 kills instead of 15 or 20. Don't act like you don't care though, because then people will realize that you are just faking and that you really do play the game way too much, which will bring about the aforementioned ridicules anyways. If you are one of those people who are constantly in second or third, stay there. Don't even entertain the thought of what it would be like to win every game. Sure the occasional win is good, and probably even healthy, but don't obsess over it. So the next time you are over at your friend's house playing Halo, Call of Duty, Madden, or Cooking Mama (that game can get pretty intense), be sure to practice these basic principles. And also tell them to give me $10 dollars for intellectual property royalties every time they avoid being made fun of.
