Save the earth, save the world.

Due to the increasing temperatures lately, I have become increasingly aware of an epidemic called global warming. Apparently it has been around for a while, but it seems to have just taken effect. Think about it. This time three months ago it was at least 20 degrees cooler than it is now. How could the temperature increase so much in such a short amount of time. If your not sure, just form a broken hypothesis and get the government to throw massive amounts of money at you (that's how I spend my weekends). Unfortunately this problem already has an answer, and it's Global Warming (Greenpeace told me they would give me a dollar if I capitalized it just then). Naturally I've been looking into a solution for this problem, and all I can seem to find are the obscure instructions to "go green." So I've been interpreting this as well as I can. I've taken a hint from NBC and have changed the colors of my website to a green color palette, probably the best thing we could all do right now. Also I have posted a new "Green" version of that stupid Facebook taggy thing that is spreading like wildfire amongst the young minds of UNC Charlotte according to my inside sources.

You know, this whole green thing is kind of cool. We should make a holiday out of it. Everyone should wear green clothes on "green day" (maybe not the best name), and if they don't... you should sue them and make them go back home until they have reached EPEAT Gold standards (after you pinch them, of course). Red and blue... your days are numbered.

A Look Back

In order to keep all you folks interested and not lose your attention, I have devised a plan that keeps me from having to work hard on a new blog entry, but also keeps you all intrigued. So I am posting the links to all of the entries from my two stagnant facebook groups (one is seasonally inappropriate). So feel free to reminisce on the hilarity.

A post on a group about groups.

A new discovery. Not magic. I checked.

Some political business.

A dabble in the Ebert and Roeper thing. (Spoiler Alert)

Some science news.

Some biblical matters.

A contribution from my friend Matt Perkins

Some begging/reprimanding.

A solution to overplayed Christmas music. (seasonal)

A petition. (seasonal also)

One V.I.P. Shopping Keychain Card to Rule Them All.

DISCLAIMER: The following topic is not an original thought. It was given to me from an anonymous source who shall remain nameless so I can take most of the credit anyway.

So you've probably got those little keychain cards on your key ring for places like Food Lion, Harris Teeter, Bi-Lo, or pretty much any other grocery chain in the 48 contiguous states. They're often called names like V.I.P. to make you feel like you are accomplishing something great by getting products at only slightly more expensive than Wal-Mart, unless, of course, you used your spouse's keys and realized that they don't have one of the tiny cards, in which case you must either pay for both half gallons of ice-cream, or apply for a new card under an improvised alias, then endure the ridicule of confirming with the clerk that your name is indeed Mr. Dumpface and you do, in fact, live in Poopsville (it's got a great downtown district) all because you don't want to ruin the chance at a seemingly good deal. I don't know where these retailers get off at making us carry these dumb things around. At least the government is polite enough to give us full sized cards for things like driving that we can put in our wallets or purses so we don't have to deal with the mess of extra crap on our key rings. But for retail outlets to make us deal with this hassle is unacceptable. Imagine if everywhere you shopped, you had to show some sort of membership card in order to pay the regular price, otherwise you would have to pay double. The fast food restaurant industry would dissolve overnight because nobody would be able to find the retarded key card in under 5 minutes (although that might be the solution to America's obesity problem). The point is that this trend must be stopped because I am not going to wait 30 minutes in the express checkout lane (10 items or less my butt) for some old lady to go through all the little Super Saver cards so she can save $.20 on her cat food. At the very least, link my membership to something that I always have on me, like my driver's license. Or better yet link it to my DNA. Or, even better, charge acceptable prices.

That thing looks nothing like me.

I'm talking about those odd looking creatures in the pictures that people tag other people in based on their personality. For example...

I was recently tagged as "The Geek" in the above photo, which may not be true, I was recently asked to name all the alkali metals in the periodic table and I completely mixed up Antonium and Rubidium because of their atomic symbol (I was never that good in Honors Chemistry). But I can't complain. A friend of mine was recently tagged in at least seven of these ridiculous posters (I never pictured her as the gangster type, I guess that's how they come nowadays). My biggest contretemps with these posters are that they are a completely inaccurate in their depiction of those tagged in the posters. So I have decided to conjure up my own foolproof personality poster for those people who just can't resist the urge to try these dumb things, but don't want to exaggerate the personalities of their friends.

This one has equal spaces for guys and girls, so as long as your friends are completely normal, or even if they aren't, they have a gender appropriate space for them that says absolutely nothing unique about their personality. This should be much more accurate in depicting your friends as they actually are. You are welcome. And, yes, I did make that myself, and, yes, you may use it.

Hello, World

A blog. Not a blog of selfish intentions, but a blog for the people. Not so much by the people, just by me, but certainly for them. At least until I feel like making it all about me, but for now I am temporarily committed to making this blog a place of voice and reason to express the concerns of the people that I feel like listening to. If you have suggestions for topics, let me know and I will use the following process to decide if it will become a subject here.

Thank you all for visiting, and I hope to not disappoint. But if I do disappoint, you should rethink your entire life because you were obviously born without a sense of humor. My deepest gratitudes.