One V.I.P. Shopping Keychain Card to Rule Them All.

DISCLAIMER: The following topic is not an original thought. It was given to me from an anonymous source who shall remain nameless so I can take most of the credit anyway.

So you've probably got those little keychain cards on your key ring for places like Food Lion, Harris Teeter, Bi-Lo, or pretty much any other grocery chain in the 48 contiguous states. They're often called names like V.I.P. to make you feel like you are accomplishing something great by getting products at only slightly more expensive than Wal-Mart, unless, of course, you used your spouse's keys and realized that they don't have one of the tiny cards, in which case you must either pay for both half gallons of ice-cream, or apply for a new card under an improvised alias, then endure the ridicule of confirming with the clerk that your name is indeed Mr. Dumpface and you do, in fact, live in Poopsville (it's got a great downtown district) all because you don't want to ruin the chance at a seemingly good deal. I don't know where these retailers get off at making us carry these dumb things around. At least the government is polite enough to give us full sized cards for things like driving that we can put in our wallets or purses so we don't have to deal with the mess of extra crap on our key rings. But for retail outlets to make us deal with this hassle is unacceptable. Imagine if everywhere you shopped, you had to show some sort of membership card in order to pay the regular price, otherwise you would have to pay double. The fast food restaurant industry would dissolve overnight because nobody would be able to find the retarded key card in under 5 minutes (although that might be the solution to America's obesity problem). The point is that this trend must be stopped because I am not going to wait 30 minutes in the express checkout lane (10 items or less my butt) for some old lady to go through all the little Super Saver cards so she can save $.20 on her cat food. At the very least, link my membership to something that I always have on me, like my driver's license. Or better yet link it to my DNA. Or, even better, charge acceptable prices.